04.02.2016 30 °C
It's 1am now as I write this. My door, propped open with the fan going on high. My skin, tingly and itchy as my body heals from the intense sun exposure. Wondering why I ever chose over a month to travel to a place where I barely speak the language, where the climate is intense and the culture very different from my own. Perhaps it was because I longed to meet myself in a foreign world. Far from home. I have yet to feel home sickness, but I feel as tho a part of my fire has burnt out. I've lost that, dare to travel spark, that launched me into previous epic adventures. I've fallen into a familiar comfort zone. How to break free of this cycle, and will there be energy reserves for me once I do?
I know what I must do. I know what i should have been doing. I remember the time, not long ago, when I stopped saying yes and started saying no to opportunity. This seems, comfortable at the time, but leaves the spirit and the heart empty. And it builds, and builds, until you can't ignore the fact that your not living authentically anymore. Of course there will be energy when I step off this perch I've created for myself, nature supports bravery. Time and time again, as I tend to forget, that when I've lived authentically in the moment daring to be alive, there was always a surge of satisfaction and energy knowing that this was right. It's easy once one starts, the hardest part is the first step.
So, the only thing someone can do to leave the comfort zone is to jump. Jump from the perch that harbours loneliness and half assed adventure. I thought I'd found a good deal, for a room to myself, a bathroom my own, and privacy. This was but a no to opportunity. In a grander light, a side step into solitary to build necessary components to come to an eventual sweaty night conclusion and break free having learned the way of the path, again.
At this point, do I really want to move into a dorm in another hostel, risk potentially not having a bed there at some point in the future and be forced to find another if they can't accommodate? Of course not, but if I'm wise enough to value my relationship to myself and the life I live, I'd better buck up. And trust. That life is but a dream. And we all don't have much time here.
Perhaps this is why we feel empty, depressed and lonely in our day to day lives. We have stopped living authentically, we've said no to life and opportunity and our spirits and hearts have been starved of life force.
Say yes, my friends